How the Pause of the California Death Penalty Affects me

March 15, 2019


I do not speak on political issues or consider myself into politics. I do pay attention but I believe each situation is different and can’t be decided based on political parties. This post I wanted to share about Gavin Newsom’s order pausing the California death penalty. This decision hits home from me. I am a family member of victims that are affected by this decision. There is a man on death row in California that had done something so heinous to my pregnant cousin and young nieces when I was just 17.

I have put up a mental block and never opened up about this because the thought of the crime disgusts me. My pregnant cousin was murdered by her boyfriend and they had 2 children together not including the baby on the way. He also murdered them. I do not want to get into the details so I will leave this link here and here if you want to read about the crime. This man was not just an acquaintance to me. We had family bbqs with him, we would watch boxing fights together, laugh at the same things and I would sleep over at my cousins house and he would be there.

When I read about the order it opened up that block and I had so many mixed feelings.  The day I blocked out this memory is the day this man died to me but I was reminded he has the opportunity to take a breath everyday. We The media portray Death Row as more of the suite life in prison. They have more I guess you could say “amenities” than any other section of a prison. I have never been to a prison so I can not say this is true but this is an image I have when I watch documentaries. When I think of this I think he does not deserve this lifestyle.

My opinion on the Death sentence is different from how I feel. I respect Gavin Newsom’s decision because me myself could not just sign off on a paper to give someone the OK to end a life. I would feel extreme guilt and feel like a hit man. At the same time I internally feel that some people do not deserve life especially those who have terrorized others and have “played God” but taking away a life will not bring back the life of others or even make up for the lives lost. I do not know if his death would bring me closure or if it is something to celebrate. I know many of my family members have different opinions and I respect those as well because no one grieves the same. The small victory is that he is in prison and can not hurt anymore lives.


my cousin and I

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